38 and 5

Today we had a size and presentation ultrasound done---No we specifically asked not to be told what our baby has hiding between his/her legs, as we prefer to see baby's face before we check out baby's private parts. It was basically done because the head of community midwives was "concerned" about presentation and baby's weight. Translation: "I have fatphobia, and since you are fat, and we aaaalllll know that fat women have fat babies, and it is harder to palpate a fat woman's belly to feel for presentation--you "need" a scan done." Eh-I only agreed to it because my regular midwife and I know that baby is head down, and I am not scared of birthing a big baby, basically picking and choosing battles. I "won" several battles on testing + for group B strep (I had consented for a swab done to check if I had a yeast infection NOT for GBS, and needeless to say, I was UNTHRILLED when we were told that I was + for GBS) Usual practice is hospitalization during labor so high dose IV anti-biotics can be given every 4 hours until birth. IV abx causes more harm than good sometimes and I researched good alternatives that even the medically minded midwives could say that they are good alternatives such as a chlorhexidine (Hibiclens) vaginal wash every 4 hours in labor is just as effective as IV abx for preventing transmission to baby as well as killing off any E.coli that is hanging around unlike the IV abx. Then of course there is the "worry" about transferring to the hospital, and here you have to by ambulance and *shock-horror* I am too big for their stretcher so the fire brigade out to take me in. I am so not worried about it, and I have tried to convey to the midwives that I am not worried or uptight about this birth.

Ok-rambling on, sorry, so back to the scan--Before we even got to the scan, we had to see an OB who basically tried to scare me out of a homebirth and kept asking me if I "felt fully informed" about refusing IV abx, about having a homebirth and my anethestic choices "WHEN" I transfer into the hospital. By that time M was seething and I was UNTHRILLED, but I kept my cool and simply responded that I was well educated and I had NO questions for him. He signed the little sheet so that we could continue on to do the scan and we quickly got out of there. M and I talked in the scan waiting area about the OB and M said that he was going to ask if we really had to go see the OB again after the scan. The midwife that he talked to said that as long as the scan came back ok, that we could basically bugger off home. We had the scan and *taa-daa* guess what--baby is head down and measures exactly in the middle percentages with an estimated weight of 7lbs 4ozs (I don't set much store in late scans and their weights as they are NOTORIOUS for being wrong) However, I told M that I felt smug about being right about baby being just fine because *shock-horror* Fat women CAN have healthy safe pregnancies and healthy normal babies!! M told me that I have every right to feel smug :)

Today, I have decided that I am 75% sure that I am *DONE* being pregnant. I haven't finish nesting, but that is ok. We are going to have a spicy meal tonight, I am drinking super strong Red Raspberry Leaf tea (it is a uterine toner and is known to help with labor), and fresh pineapple, and then later on M and I will be doing some other adult activities to help kick-start some labor! As much as I have been having braxton-hicks contractions, I think it is time to get this show on the road!!

38 and 4

Yesterday, I went out with my mother-in-law to do some Christmas shopping. We had a great time and I got everything on my list that I wanted to get. Yay! However, on walking aroung the shopping center, there were school kids singing Christmas songs by the big tree in a center part and they were around the ages of my very sorely missed children back in the States. The kids' voices were angelic, but I couldn't stop to listen to them, otherwise all I would have done was bawl--the body-wracking hysterical sobs that one only cries in the privacy of their own home. As it was I cried a little anyway.

Sooo today I am super super super hormonal and sad. I want to cry at everyone and everything. I didn't sleep well last night and I have terrible pelvic bone pain (I have had this pain since the beginning of the 3rd trimester--yay-lucky me) which make repositioning in bed excruciating at times. I am done with the pain, I am done with the bazillion braxton-hicks contractions that I get every day, BUT I am not done being pregnant. I like the special bond that I have with this new little life right at this moment. Because I am not ready to be "not-pregnant", I am a bit worried that this little one will come early, and thus compounding my hormonal mess that I am right now.

I am off to bed to go cuddle with M. I feel safe in his arms and my train-wreck of a day will just melt away.

37 weeks 5 days..or so..

So I was finally posting after many many moons, when my very loving, bleary eyed, has to get up at stupid o'clock to go drive the masses around, Sweet husband, came to me last night and asked if I'd stop what I was doing and just please come to bed. Poor guy had had a reoccuring nightmare about me and dying in front of the PC. So I quite happily shut the darned thing off right there. I was in the middle of the last post when I did...sooo continuing on...

Where was I? Oh yeah, my favorite subjects as of late--pregnancy, birth, and parenting :) Baby is doing well and growing. He/She likes to try to bruise or escape out of my left side right above my hip bone. Z rode low, L rode high in my lungs, and this one likes my left side including my left lung. I am still happy to be pregnant, especially when some of the ladies in my DDC at MDC are "done" being pregnant and ready to have their babies right now. I can actually sleep through the night without the

37 Weeks 4 Days Pregnant--Give or Take a few Weeks

The trip to the States was fabulous! We had such a great time, the kids had a great time, the family had a great time, and the friends had a great time!

Coming back from the States, and splitting up from my kids again hurt hurt hurt beeding heart crushing stabbing pain hurt. I stayed in bed for a week. It took me about 1 to 1/2 months to come around again to being myself.

Helping to keep my sanity is my Due Date Club at MotheringDotCommune. I spend a lot of time there. It is my feel-good place.

M and I are doing excellent and we have never been as close as we are now. He is wonderful and 100% behind my wishes to cloth diaper, and homebirth our baby. He is excited and nervous about the birth, but I know that when it comes down to the nitty-gritty of labor and birth he will be my rock. He's also very open to the attachment parenting style of parenting. He hates the idea of letting baby cry it out to go to sleep or "self-soothe", he is happy about co-sleeping since he is such a cuddler anyway, *laugh* he's very pleased about me breastfeeding, and that none of mine/our children are or will be circumcized (England doesn't do routine infant circs anymore anyway--YAY!) He is also very interested in baby wearing as we have 4 no-sew baby-wrap carriers and a ring-sling on the way courtesy of my Mom :) The cloth diapers that we got are super soft and sooo cuddley. M has agreed that after baby is born, I can order some gender-specific diaper wraps and I have several patterns/places already picked out to order from.

So according to the community midwives I am 37 weeks and 4 days pregnant. The estimated due date is the 23rd, however, baby will come when he or she is ready. I would love a Solstice baby as the 2005 summer Solstice at Stonehenge was when M officially proposed to me, but then I could see this little one choosing to share a birthday with his/her brother on the 26th, or even deciding that he/she wants to share the day with Mark and my first wedding anniversary on the 29th.

I also have the "ok" from my midwives to have the baby anytime now... nice to know I have their "permission"

My Poor Neglected Blog

So, here I am, faithful reader to those on my blogroll, yet I never post on my own. Perhaps that I find everyone else's lives infinitely more interesting than my own, or perhaps that I am terribly s-l-o-w at typing and it takes me what seems like hours just to post a little snippet of my life...

Well things are going well with M, Baby and I. As of today I am 14 weeks 5days pregnant and the little one is very active. When we had the ultrasound done, s/he was very busy in there and it was hard to get a good still picture. On the 26th of June we heard the heart beat for the first time at another midwife appointment. M got a bit misty eyed--awww-bless him :) Since I am fat, I am not showing yet although M swears that I am. I can't wait until he is able to feel baby kicking and moving around.

We are celebrating my birthday this year in grand style---we are taking a trip back to the States, and we leave here at 2 am GMT (8pm Thursday June 28th Midwest USA time) Friday June 29th--Happy 31st birthday to me. We will be travelling until 12am GMT June 30th or 6pm Midwest USA time June 29th. I get an extra 6 hours to my birthday LOL. THEE best present will be seeing my children, family and friends!!! I am so excited! There to greet M and I at my folks will be Z and L, Mom and Dad, Pete, Scott, and Diana and her son Hayden! (I found Diana's blog through a link at Mothering Dot Commune, read her blog for quite a while, then out of shear cosmic goodness, she and my brother met , and I finally get to meet her :) *happy dance*)

We are then going to show M what the 4th of July is like (how ironic is that---showing the Brit what our Independence day from Britain is like) After that we are going to see my friends J and K for a few days down in the bee-you-tee-ful area known as the Lake of the Ozarks---we are all going hillbilly, I will be Sally Jane, and M will be Jethro.

After that we will be going to visit my wonderful grandparents, and then on to visit my friends T and F and play with some fire, play in the water with the kids, and laugh our hineys off! OOO and we are going to be there on Friday the 13th---spooky, LOL

Then sadly it will be time to make our way back to the airport and back to the UK. I like the UK, but I have to honestly say that I LOVE THE USA!!!!!

We did it!

I am pleased to announce that M and I are expecting a bundle of joy round about December 21st 2007!!!

We found out on the 17th, but kept it hush hush until family was told. I really wasn't expecting to find out that I was pregnant this go around because I had been sick about the time that I should have ovulated. I just didn't *feel* pregnant. I took the test on that tuesday morning purely because M was off of work and we were going shopping that day. I was running low on tampons and thought that I would take the test just to prove that we needed to purchase tampons that day. I watched in disbelief as the plus sign appeared. I started crying tears of joy, and then wandered out of the bathroom holding the stick, and cryed out to M "We did it!" He looked puzzled because he hadn't seen the test stick in my hand. He got up from the couch and i shoved the test in his face, "We did it, Look!" He took the test from me and also stared disbelieving at it and stood with his back to the wall and slid down to the floor. He too started to cry tears of joy.

I had envisioned better ways to tell him, more romantic, or sweeter, but when the time came, I "exploded"! LOL!

We told his parents in a cute way though. We wrapped up some baby bibs that said "Made in England" on them. We put them in Christmas paper since baby will be born around the winter holidays and gave each of them one. M told them Merry Christmas, and at first the didn't get it. When his mother finally got it that she was being told that she was going to be a grandmother, it was like a brick fell out of the sky and hit her on the head. *BAM* and then she started crying at us! what a cry fest we have going on in this post! LOL!

I have my first Midwife appointment on May 1st. Plus, M has wholeheartedly agreed with me on a homebirth! YAY!

TTC

No pregnancy this month...

I am now understanding the emotional rollercoaster ride that is trying to conceive.

....at least it waited until after valentines day.....

Happy Valentine's Day

I hope that anybody left out there in blog-land still reading this blog have a lovey mushy sickly sweet day. As for me and M, a quiet day at home, he not feeling well and I am catching up on all the blogs that I have been neglecting. Some are switching over to new blog homes.

Homesick

I am terribly homesick. I thought that it would only last for a few weeks but it continues on like a dull ache. I miss mt kids, my family, my friends, my knowledge of the area that I am in. I thought this would be like all the other times that I have moved in my life (something like 30 times) I thought that I'd be used to it by now, but this one is a doozy.

M and I are happily married, and trying for a baby, but no luck yet. We got married in a tiny ceremony with just M, M's parents and myself. It was almost like we eloped, almost. I wore a simple cream lacy blouse and brown skirt and he wore a nice jacket, shirt, tie, and trousers set. I also had on my mother's tiara/beaded headpiece that was part of he veil when my parents got married 38 years ago. I thought that it might be good luck. The ceremony was simple and laid back, and afterwards we just went out to eat at our favorite chinese restaurant. We had some cake and nibblies at m's parents' place and went home and started in earnest to make a baby :)

Since then, I have mainly stayed at home doing a whole lot of nothing. That is what makes my homesickness so bad. I used to drive all around and knew where I was going and had most of the roads that ran north and south, east and west. Here it is like someone threw spaghetti at a piece of paper and called it a city map. We don't have a car, so we rely on busses and trains. I hate that I am completely clueless on where I am going and if it weren't for M I'd never ever get out of the apartment. So this is where I am at for the next 2 years or so. From there we decide whether or not we stay here or we go to the States. We'll see, i guess.

I am ok

just a quick blurb to say that I am still around and ok. I got married and things are going well. more to blog later when I can