40 weeks and 4 days

Well, we are through the Solstice, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and Happy Z-mas sans newest wee bairn. Today and tomorrow and the 30th will be days that have no designated "something else's day" to it. The 29th is our first wedding anniversary, and then of course the 31st is New Year's Eve and then New Year's Day. Note to Baby: the 27th, 28th and 30th are good days to have a birthday!

Christmas Eve and Christmas Day were actually blessedly free of the bazillion contractions that I'd been having. We had a quiet Christmas with M's parents. We watched one of M's new DVD's. Then after his folks left, M and I had the very "traditional" T-bone steaks with saute'd mushrooms and onions. MMmm!

I got to call my kids at their paternal grandparent's house (as their father has no real telephone right now) and got to wish the kids a Merry Christmas and to Z-a Happy Z-mas! I can't believe the boy is 11 years old already.

The 26th was such a non-day. Both M and I did nothing really as we were both feeling a bit grey. We went to bed as pretty much normal and slept until our "lovely" neighbors blared Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire" to the drunken fools to the street below so that the fools could sing along to it at the top of their lungs. It was shortly before 3 am. I realized that at 2:53 am it was still 8:53pm on the 26th, which is exactly 11 years before, Z was born. Awwww!

M and I went out grocery shopping and then picked up our anniversary presents to ourselves-3 nesting side tables. Since we don't have (nor want) a coffee table or regular dining table, we have been eating off of some old wobbly side tables. Mine broke a leg off on the 25th, so we decided to buy the tables. We do try and live minimally and frugally as we don't want too much stuff to deal with when we move, but sitting here, with a new sturdy table makes me wish we would have done it sooner. They are so nice and nice looking. Anyway... we went shopping so that I could walk down steps, carry heavy things and help these contractions that I have been having all night and all day, along in some sort of pattern. No such luck. They are a bit strong, but I am soooo unconvinced that these will build to anything, that I am not going to even time them.

I have indulged myself today and had A LOT of coffee! Mmm! I am very surprised that Baby isn't doing gymnastics in there.

So that is life thus far--I hope everyone had a happy and blessed Christmas/Solstice/Kwanzaa/Channakah/Eid/Yule/Winterfest!

40 weeks--Full term

I am going to copy and paste what I wrote in my dute date club's check in thread:

"Today is my EDD.

I was certain that I was in slow labor part of Friday, and alllll day Saturday. Contrax were 10 minutes then 8 mins, then 6, then 4, and I was dealing well with them. I was in a good mood. We called the midwife over for a check (no vaginal exams) and she said by feeling on my belly that baby was at a 3 station into my pelvis. She left and we decided to rest and Hubby and I laid down to sleep. I slept all night and so far this morning I have had ONE noticeable contrax. What the &^£%$£*^&$%*$ happened??? I should have babe in arms. I feel so frustrated with my body, and feel like I am "failing". My Goodness! I woke up this morning thinking about packing my bag to go to the hellspital. For F*(k'$ sake--might as well knock me out and section me and while they're at it give baby some formula. I am starting to feel "distanced" from my baby, body, and labor that even baby's once joyfull reassuring kicks have become more of an annoyance.

Hubby is beside himself with distress and worry as he has never been through this and throughout the entire pregnancy he's been looking to me for calm guidance--I have none of that to give. He is great to cry to and on, but his frustration level is about at the breaking point and I think we may end up fighting if we aren't careful.

Sorry to start the day on such a down note--hopefully things will look better later."

Well, one of the midwives came out and came to the conclusion that my water hasn't broken, that I am in no "danger" of needing to go to the hospital. Baby's heartbeat is good, movements are good, everything looks good, just that it was a good round of false labor. So we go back to the waiting game. M is feeling better, but I still feel frustrated. I have had lots of well meaning texts, IMs, and phone calls asking if I have had baby yet. I kind of still feel like a failure.

So we wait.....

39 and 5

Yesterday was a midwife visit. It was good. Not much to write there.

Both M and I are still hoping that the babe will make his/her arrival very soon, but any strong contrax that I had petered out again. Having a baby today would give baby a cool looking palendrome birthday 12/21. Otherwise there is still the Solstice~~super romantic!

M and I both slept super well last night. We stayed up to watch "Tootsie", the 80's flick with Dustin Hoffman, and then I'd say within 10 minutes of turning the TV off, we both were zonked. I woke up with (Halleluja!) NO pelvic bone pain, and could enjoy being pregnant for a little while. Baby is a little less active than normal, but has had the hiccups 2x today and it is only 9:45am. This kid has had the most case of hiccups than Z and L combined! She/He should have a really toned diaphram by now!

I am off to go lay down, as my feet are swelling up a bit as are the wont to do when I sit for more than 2 hours at a time.

39 and 3

After a weekend full of contraction and "impending labor signs" everything petered out and now-nada. I *knew* better than to get my hopes up, and getting my hopes up, got M's hopes up which all came smashing down something horrible yesterday. We both were nearly in tears when he had to go to work last night because we were so bitterly disappointed. Then to top it off, M had an utterly craptastic shift at work. So we just curled up into bed, watched some TV for a bit and both just crashed.

I had such a happy fun dream last night that I couldn't help but to wake up in a good mood. M even said that one time when he looked over at me while I was sleeping that I had a big smile on my face. In my dream, Freddie Mercury was still alive. M and I were at a movie theater, and he knew about a special thing happening. Curtains open and Queen is on stage! They started out by singing "Somebody to Love" and Freddie jumped off the stage and started singing with people in the crowd as he walked up the aisle. He came round to M and I, put his arms over our shoulders and I told Freddie that I couldn't sing, couldn't carry a tune. He told me that he didn't care, he just wanted to hear my heart sing. So M and I sang with Freddie Mercury to "Somebody to Love" in my dream! How cool was that!!!

This morning when M came and woke me up, I told him, and I asked him to get his Queen CDs so we could listen to the song. He played it for me, and I just glowed happily through the entire song. What a great way to start the day :)

39 and 1

I "thought" something was going on yesterday, but also had thought that it was probably my body playing tricks on me--I was right. I slept soundly until 2 am and was ravenously hungry, but drank my glass of cherry coke and went back to sleep until 7:30 am and HAD to eat right now. So now instead of being woken up by needing to pee or having a contrax--I wake up starving. I took a nap and again woke up starving! Geez! I didn't know that sleeping was such a hunger inducing activity!

Today's contrax have been mild and widely spaced..no baby today.

39 weeks

Oooh! things are happening! Without going into too much information for you, Reader, there are some very noticible changes happening to my body and contractions feel a bit differently than before. M kept asking me in the middle of the night if I was OK as he said my breathing was different than normal. For the most part, I slept fine.

We did get up early and started doing a clean and clear of the flat, mostly because M's folks are coming over for a visit, but I think it was the last bit of nesting for both of us that needed to be done. It now smells of lavender, lily and orange in here, and it is pleasing to me but M is feeling a bit sneezy and snoggy because of it.

All Christmas shopping has been done except 3 DVD's that M just needs to go across the road to the shopping center and pick up and a new roll of wrapping paper so we can wrap them. All other gifts have been sent and 95% have reached their destination. Flat is cleaned and disinfected, baby clothes sorted, birth supplies sorted and put away in an easily accessable place, presents done, tree up all we need to do is finish laundry and dishes in the sink--but my back is sore right now, so I'll sit back and relax.

I am ready for baby as I'll ever be, I just hope that M is as much as he says that he is.

38 and 5

Today we had a size and presentation ultrasound done---No we specifically asked not to be told what our baby has hiding between his/her legs, as we prefer to see baby's face before we check out baby's private parts. It was basically done because the head of community midwives was "concerned" about presentation and baby's weight. Translation: "I have fatphobia, and since you are fat, and we aaaalllll know that fat women have fat babies, and it is harder to palpate a fat woman's belly to feel for presentation--you "need" a scan done." Eh-I only agreed to it because my regular midwife and I know that baby is head down, and I am not scared of birthing a big baby, basically picking and choosing battles. I "won" several battles on testing + for group B strep (I had consented for a swab done to check if I had a yeast infection NOT for GBS, and needeless to say, I was UNTHRILLED when we were told that I was + for GBS) Usual practice is hospitalization during labor so high dose IV anti-biotics can be given every 4 hours until birth. IV abx causes more harm than good sometimes and I researched good alternatives that even the medically minded midwives could say that they are good alternatives such as a chlorhexidine (Hibiclens) vaginal wash every 4 hours in labor is just as effective as IV abx for preventing transmission to baby as well as killing off any E.coli that is hanging around unlike the IV abx. Then of course there is the "worry" about transferring to the hospital, and here you have to by ambulance and *shock-horror* I am too big for their stretcher so the fire brigade out to take me in. I am so not worried about it, and I have tried to convey to the midwives that I am not worried or uptight about this birth.

Ok-rambling on, sorry, so back to the scan--Before we even got to the scan, we had to see an OB who basically tried to scare me out of a homebirth and kept asking me if I "felt fully informed" about refusing IV abx, about having a homebirth and my anethestic choices "WHEN" I transfer into the hospital. By that time M was seething and I was UNTHRILLED, but I kept my cool and simply responded that I was well educated and I had NO questions for him. He signed the little sheet so that we could continue on to do the scan and we quickly got out of there. M and I talked in the scan waiting area about the OB and M said that he was going to ask if we really had to go see the OB again after the scan. The midwife that he talked to said that as long as the scan came back ok, that we could basically bugger off home. We had the scan and *taa-daa* guess what--baby is head down and measures exactly in the middle percentages with an estimated weight of 7lbs 4ozs (I don't set much store in late scans and their weights as they are NOTORIOUS for being wrong) However, I told M that I felt smug about being right about baby being just fine because *shock-horror* Fat women CAN have healthy safe pregnancies and healthy normal babies!! M told me that I have every right to feel smug :)

Today, I have decided that I am 75% sure that I am *DONE* being pregnant. I haven't finish nesting, but that is ok. We are going to have a spicy meal tonight, I am drinking super strong Red Raspberry Leaf tea (it is a uterine toner and is known to help with labor), and fresh pineapple, and then later on M and I will be doing some other adult activities to help kick-start some labor! As much as I have been having braxton-hicks contractions, I think it is time to get this show on the road!!

38 and 4

Yesterday, I went out with my mother-in-law to do some Christmas shopping. We had a great time and I got everything on my list that I wanted to get. Yay! However, on walking aroung the shopping center, there were school kids singing Christmas songs by the big tree in a center part and they were around the ages of my very sorely missed children back in the States. The kids' voices were angelic, but I couldn't stop to listen to them, otherwise all I would have done was bawl--the body-wracking hysterical sobs that one only cries in the privacy of their own home. As it was I cried a little anyway.

Sooo today I am super super super hormonal and sad. I want to cry at everyone and everything. I didn't sleep well last night and I have terrible pelvic bone pain (I have had this pain since the beginning of the 3rd trimester--yay-lucky me) which make repositioning in bed excruciating at times. I am done with the pain, I am done with the bazillion braxton-hicks contractions that I get every day, BUT I am not done being pregnant. I like the special bond that I have with this new little life right at this moment. Because I am not ready to be "not-pregnant", I am a bit worried that this little one will come early, and thus compounding my hormonal mess that I am right now.

I am off to bed to go cuddle with M. I feel safe in his arms and my train-wreck of a day will just melt away.

37 weeks 5 days..or so..

So I was finally posting after many many moons, when my very loving, bleary eyed, has to get up at stupid o'clock to go drive the masses around, Sweet husband, came to me last night and asked if I'd stop what I was doing and just please come to bed. Poor guy had had a reoccuring nightmare about me and dying in front of the PC. So I quite happily shut the darned thing off right there. I was in the middle of the last post when I did...sooo continuing on...

Where was I? Oh yeah, my favorite subjects as of late--pregnancy, birth, and parenting :) Baby is doing well and growing. He/She likes to try to bruise or escape out of my left side right above my hip bone. Z rode low, L rode high in my lungs, and this one likes my left side including my left lung. I am still happy to be pregnant, especially when some of the ladies in my DDC at MDC are "done" being pregnant and ready to have their babies right now. I can actually sleep through the night without the

37 Weeks 4 Days Pregnant--Give or Take a few Weeks

The trip to the States was fabulous! We had such a great time, the kids had a great time, the family had a great time, and the friends had a great time!

Coming back from the States, and splitting up from my kids again hurt hurt hurt beeding heart crushing stabbing pain hurt. I stayed in bed for a week. It took me about 1 to 1/2 months to come around again to being myself.

Helping to keep my sanity is my Due Date Club at MotheringDotCommune. I spend a lot of time there. It is my feel-good place.

M and I are doing excellent and we have never been as close as we are now. He is wonderful and 100% behind my wishes to cloth diaper, and homebirth our baby. He is excited and nervous about the birth, but I know that when it comes down to the nitty-gritty of labor and birth he will be my rock. He's also very open to the attachment parenting style of parenting. He hates the idea of letting baby cry it out to go to sleep or "self-soothe", he is happy about co-sleeping since he is such a cuddler anyway, *laugh* he's very pleased about me breastfeeding, and that none of mine/our children are or will be circumcized (England doesn't do routine infant circs anymore anyway--YAY!) He is also very interested in baby wearing as we have 4 no-sew baby-wrap carriers and a ring-sling on the way courtesy of my Mom :) The cloth diapers that we got are super soft and sooo cuddley. M has agreed that after baby is born, I can order some gender-specific diaper wraps and I have several patterns/places already picked out to order from.

So according to the community midwives I am 37 weeks and 4 days pregnant. The estimated due date is the 23rd, however, baby will come when he or she is ready. I would love a Solstice baby as the 2005 summer Solstice at Stonehenge was when M officially proposed to me, but then I could see this little one choosing to share a birthday with his/her brother on the 26th, or even deciding that he/she wants to share the day with Mark and my first wedding anniversary on the 29th.

I also have the "ok" from my midwives to have the baby anytime now... nice to know I have their "permission"